Monday, July 2, 2012

You have gout to be kidding me!!

Less than a week after Jen from milesmusclesmommyhood (hereinafter referred to as "Evil Jen" but really aren't all Jen's evil? Except maybe Crayola Jen.) convinced me that it it was some how a really cool idea to travel across the country to have my butt handed to me at a race on her home field, I come down with another case of gout.  Yes gout.  Really?  What is next, scurvy? (Actually with my amazing ability to avoid fruit at every turn scurvy may not be too far fact my nickname as member of the merry band of attorneys at Waste Management back in the day was "scurvy boy"). 

For those of you who know nothing about gout just suffice it to say it freakin hurts..a lot.  It usually attacks your big toe joint and does not let you sleep at night or do much of anything else.  As my doctor put it..just imagine taking the fluid out from between your joints and replacing it with sand.  And to top it off, I found out that dehydration is a major factor in bringing on these attacks..good thing I don't have to worry about that.  Diet can also play a role. Certain foods bring up the uric acid level which is the culprit.  I have already manged to cut spinach and asparagus out of my diet for the last 40 years..the tough ones are going to be beef, turkey, pretty much any tasty animal..except for chicken.  Really chicken? Why are you so good for me and yet refuse to be tasty like pig or cow?  I have not only missed 5 days of training but yet another one of my scheduled triathlons. The Lookout Mountain Triathlon sponsored by Kompetitive Edge came and went without my participation on June 30, 2012.  However, I was able to go pick up my shirt and also kick the cord out of the timing mat so that the athletes that were competing did not have their splits.  Serves them right..them non-gout afflicted people.  Shout out to my friend Denise who took 2nd or 3rd in the Athena category. (For some reason they had issues with the splits and timing).  Great Job.  Also, congrats to Doreen who came in first in her age group in the Mountain Tropic Tri half iron distance.  From the sounds of it the bike portion of the race was more NASCAR than triathlon. 

So it is Monday, I think I can possibly ride today so I will.  I will also stay away from the taunts of Evil Jen.  Vegas had opened the over/under for Evil Jen's victory margin as 1:15:00.  This quickly went to 2:00:00 when the bookmakers actually read my blog.  With the latest gout outbreak the odds were taken off the board and were substituted with my race day weight which the over/under now sits at 235. Needless to say I am a bigger long shot than Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Hunter winning best picture.  I know what you are saying..but Scott..if all was right in the world Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Hunter would win best picture and thus by extrapolation you should beat Evil Jen.  And I would agree. I've also heard Evil Jen sacrifices chickens on her long rides to give her strength..seriously..I think she actually has pictures on her blog.

1 comment:

  1. I want you to be at 100% health for this race of it would not be fun for me.

    Off to go sacrifice some chickens at the track now. It's 5am and I am sure you are sleepin....